 |
| Raiders owner Mark Davis is excited about the future |
“When my dad saw talent, he didn't let it pass him by,” said Davis. “The way this kid controlled his team with the push of a button on a controller, input a fury of audibles at the line of scrimmage and showed the courage to go for it on 4th and 17 from his own 13-yard line was amazing to watch, and I can't wait to see him use that genius for the Raiders.”
The tournament of 16 amateur Madden enthusiasts was held at one of GameStop's Bay Area locations in downtown Oakland. Davis attended the tournament by chance.
“I actually came in that day to get 'Skyrim,'” said Davis, who loves the “Elder Scrolls” series, “but I saw this amazing football simulation going on so I stuck around. Once I found out that the simulation was made by Oakland Raiders legend John Madden, I knew the winner had to be the next Raiders head coach.”
Wheaton, who won $65 in the tournament, offered some insight into how he plans to get the Raiders back to the Super Bowl.
“I think the first thing that I have to do is start a fantasy draft,” said Wheaton, a high school senior. “I mean have you seen this roster? Everyone but Sebastian Janikowski and Shane Lechler sucks balls, and it's not like I'm ever going to kick field goals or punt anyway.”
Wheaton, who has never played football at any level, seemed confident that a turnaround wouldn't take long.
“I figure if I start to struggle I'll just lower the difficulty setting,” said Wheaton, who has been playing the EA Sports game since Michael Vick's cover year in 2004, “or I'll just quit and restart the game.”
 |
| Dennis Allen's coaching career in Oakland lasts one season |
“He keeps forcing me to make these asinine offers for Robert Griffin III and Andrew Luck,” said McKenzie. “They aren't going to give you their franchise quarterback for a first-round pick and Carson Palmer, dammit! Stop asking! And, no, throwing in Tawain Jones and our long snapper won't make a difference!”
A look into Wheaton's Xbox Live gamer profile, xXIpWnAlLdAyZXx, shows a record in Madden head-to-head online play of 21-56 with a 65 disconnect percentage.
“People are always cheating online,” said Wheaton, “just a bunch of gay dicks using gimmicks and glitches.”
At press time, Wheaton, who plans to be an engineer, was unsure how being a head coach would effect his class schedule next year for his first semester at UC Berkeley, but hopes to work something out with his professors.
Firing Dennis Allen would instantly improve the Raiders. Allen is a joke. Make a mockery of the Raiders now, but at least put the blame on the appropriate shoulders. McKenzie and Allen. The Raiders will be great again, but McKenzie has set them back for several more years, by cutting all of our talent, and hiring poor coaches, drafting poorly. Taking an 8-8 team to 4-12, the blame lies solely on Reggie. The offense worked for two years. Allen was supposed to improve the defense. Instead, the offense sucked under Knapp's direction and Allen made the defense worse. Don't blame Al. Don't blame Mark. Put the blame where it belongs.
ReplyDelete