Anonymous reporter makes up anonymous sources

UNNAMED LOCATION—An anonymous sports reporter admitted to making up anonymous sources “a time or two” in order to write a story in a recent conversation with Alexander the Great Sports Blog.

“It's possible that every anonymous source I've ever used may have never actually existed,” said a reporter who wishes to remain nameless, “but I swear at least a few of them were real.”

When pressed for what stories that he may have used a nameless source, he offered a few examples.

“Oh, you know the usual stuff,” stated the reporter, who is not in anyway fake or fictional. “The anonymous teammate, coach or high-ranking team official thinks Tebow blows, unnamed disgruntled player thinks his coach sucks, nameless baseball player says everybody is still on steroids or HGH-- the staples, really.”

The reporter said that he started using these false quotes when he struggled to get the information he wanted from players and coaches.

“Being a reporter is hard, man!” said the unnamed, but totally not made-up reporter. “I just can't get anyone to say what I need them to say in order to write the story that I want to write.”

A conversation with the reporter's parents showed their immense disappointment in their son. “I can't believe he would do something like this,” said one anonymous parent who preferred to not be revealed as Mom or Dad. “I'm just extremely disappointed in the lack of integrity.”

“Integrity?” said the reporter whose existence is not on trial here. “Forget that. It's not like I have the obligation to inform people the truth about what's going on in sports or something. Reporting is all about entertainment.”

The reporter said he didn't make up sources until he started moving up in the journalism industry.

“People will believe anything once you start working for a credible news organization,” said the reporter. “You think anybody would have believed all of this stuff if I was just a lowly 'reporter' at ESPN? Give me a break.”

When asked whether he would be concerned if his editors refused to keep printing anonymous source stories, the reporter said he has a backup plan.

“Oh, I'm not worried about that,” said the reporter. “Let's just say I've had a few juicy conversations in the past from people who have since passed away. You aren't going to believe some of the things Al Davis, Junior Seau, Steve Sabol and Andy Reid's kid 'said' to me before they died.”